Aren't You Worth Investing In Yourself?

Aren’t you worth it? Aren’t you worth investing in yourself like you would invest in your kids? What’s stopping you?

These questions have bounced around in my life a lot over the past few years. From my health to furthering my education to taking time for myself to go out and enjoy things I used to and more. I have been investing more in myself over the past few months.

I’ve been taking the time to be purposeful and spend time with friends. I have invested financially in learning a new career and launching my own business. I have been giving myself permission to say no when needed and yes when I really want to do something.  It’s a hard process for me at times. 

Saying yes or no to my wants and needs can be a challenge when my first inclination is to please others. Feeling a need to explain my choices causes stress in my body that I can’t even explain. It shouldn’t. I shouldn’t feel that I must explain and defend my choices. My innate need to please makes me always feel as though I must. Especially if I feel like my choice is upsetting someone else.

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This past week I was on a cruise. My favorite place on the ship is the spa! I don’t need all the treatments but I thoroughly enjoy the thermal suites. To me it’s bliss!

At the beginning of the week, I gave myself permission to spend a little extra and use the first-day discount to get a therapeutic massage. It was much needed and I’m so glad that I splurged.

The second to last night of the cruise there was a call to the cabin letting me know that my name was drawn for $100 off at the spa but it didn’t specify what it was for. My husband and I went to the spa to hear more. I was taken back to meet with the MediSpa doctor so he could give me an analysis and tell me more. 

He asked me to look in a mirror and tell him what areas of my face bother me the most. If you know me well, you know that I wear very little or no make-up other than mascara and lipstick. I have never been a person that dwells on what new wrinkles I have. But he put this mirror to my face and I had to answer. 

I joked and told him that my daughter was taking a silly picture of me and had me wrinkle my forehead and man could I see how my “wifi” lines as he called them were deepening. He joked that those were caused by my kids.

He asked what else. Ummm…I have more wrinkles around my eyes. He asked again, what else? Ummm…I like my face the way it is. So he started kindly pointing out my issues.

Of course the wrinkles around my eyes and on my forehead. The line that is starting vertically between my eyes. The fine lines around my lips. Then he told me what he felt was needed to help it. Even with the $100 off it was way more than I would spend. Then he raised my eyebrows and asked, “Wouldn’t you feel better about yourself if your brows looked like this?”.

So he was trying to overcome my objections and his first words were “Aren’t you worth it?”. Yes, I’m worth it. So he says, “Then what’s stopping you?”. I asked how often would I need this procedure, how safe is it, etc. He worked really hard to convince me that I was worth it and needed this procedure. I spent way too much time defending why I wouldn’t spend that money on myself in that way.

I thanked him for his time, politely declined, and left. My husband and I walked back to the room and I started to cry. 

Yes, it made me cry. Why? What happened in that room that my reaction would be so strong?

It was a mix of frustration and anger. Weird, right? Even to myself, it seemed like an overreaction. But, I couldn’t stop the tears.

As I talked it out with my husband, I came to the conclusion that it was wrapped up in the questions of, “Aren’t you worth it?” and “What’s stopping you from investing in yourself?”. It was also wrapped up in the way women are judged versus men.

I had been on a cruise ship for a week seeing women who whether at the pool or dinner were dressed up, hair and make-up done, working hard to look their best for others. These women, who obviously took time to feel like they were at their best, were often with men who had on shorts and a t-shirt, often a hat, that appeared to have thrown clothes in their suitcase without ever looking at the “standards” of what was to be worn for dinners much less caring what others thought of their appearance. I kept thinking to myself, “Why as women are we expected…yes, expected…to measure up to these standards but the men next to us aren’t?”. 

Why the strong reaction to the kind doctor having this conversation with me?

My mind kept turning over and over. Why as a woman, does my not feeling the need to fix my wrinkles equate to me not investing in myself?

The answer, it doesn’t. If a woman is happier and feels better if she erases those lines, that is her choice. But I shouldn’t be made to feel less than if I choose to let my wrinkles show.

The wrinkles on my face don’t define me. They don’t make me less. They don’t mean I am not investing in myself. They aren’t a sign that I don’t care what I look like. 

Those wrinkles are from laughing, smiling, crying, stressing, and dealing with the ups and downs of life. Raising a family. Overcoming health struggles. Overcoming job losses. And so much more. I could choose to stare at my face in the mirror and dwell over the aging process and each new line that forms. That’s just stealing my joy. 

I work hard to instill self-love and confidence in my kids. I remind myself that I am worthy, loved, enough, every single day. At this time, I’m choosing to appreciate the wrinkles and fine lines in my face. I’m choosing to think of them as a reminder of all that I have built…through struggles and successes. I’m choosing to allow myself to age and not feel the outside pressure put on women to live up to looking young all the time. I’m choosing to embrace the beauty within and without.

I am worth the investment. Nothing is stopping me. I am choosing to invest in my emotional well-being and not dwell on what the world thinks. Nothing is stopping me. I am choosing to be me and love myself, just as I am. Nothing is stopping me.

Several people asked why I chose the picture I did for my picture on the blog page. To me, it shows a tired mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, woman. It also shows a woman who is pushing through it all and finding herself, learning to love herself better, looking back at all she has done, and reminding herself that she is enough, she is worthy, she is loved, she is more than.

Someday, I may decide I’m ready for a touch-up to help with lines and wrinkles. And that’s okay. If that time ever comes, it will be for me, not for anyone else. Not to measure up to unattainable standards. 

For today, I am investing in positive self-talk. I am investing in my personal growth. I am investing in relationships. I am focusing on the love from my husband who still looks at me and sees the face of the woman I was at twenty-one. The love that told me I didn’t need to worry about wrinkles because he doesn’t even notice them…my eyes and smile never change!