Possibilities

This antique window sits in our front hallway, visible to all as they enter. Age has worn it down, and it shows. I only see beauty in the peeling paint, cloudy glass, and splintering wood. I rescued it while browsing at a flea market many years ago. I didn’t know exactly what I would do with it, but I had a feeling that it still had use and more life in it.

I brought it home, cleaned it up, painted the back of the cloudy glass, and added a quote I found that spoke to me.

“Always believe something wonderful is about to happen.”

I have no clue who first wrote it, but it came at a time when I needed that reminder. There are days when I walk right past and don’t even notice it’s there. Other days, I stare at it and ask myself if I truly believe in what it’s saying. Many days, I walk past and think, YES, the world is full of possibilities, and I choose to believe something wonderful is about to happen.

I’m not sure how it’s already here, but this is my last year in my forties. Like the window in my hallway, my body is aging, it’s worn down, and it shows. Life hits, health issues I have, and time has taken a toll. But as I look in the mirror, I am reminded that I have lived a full life. Full of ups and downs, but never alone in the fight. Even through the hard moments, I have so much to live for and so much more life to live.

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A few years ago, I had the opportunity for a career change. I started writing again. I was learning new things that excited me. I had plans and goals. Then, in the midst of my launch, life happened.

I was called to serve, and I invested myself fully. Perhaps too much. I started to lose myself again. I was exhausted physically and emotionally. Bogged down by all of the appointments, caregiving, trying to start my business, being present for my family, and continuing to fulfill my obligations for all of the other areas of my life, and like that old window frame, pieces of me started to flake away.

Needs have changed, but I still feel bogged down. Challenged to move past the last few years and fully invest in myself again. Worried about what may transpire as I step away to work on myself and give my full attention to my business again.

New possibilities are being presented to me for my business. It’s downright scary for me to even think about. I can roll with change; however, at my core, I’m a homebody who could live with my family surrounding me and be content to just be present. Resisting change and complacent because I’m comfortable and feel fulfilled. I’m a people pleaser, and the fear I have for how others may judge my choices weighs me down. I question if it’s the right decision for my family, and as a mom who wouldn’t be as present daily.

But then I stop and really allow myself to soak in what the opportunity could do for me, my family, and my business. There’s a glimmer of hope and excitement about the possibilities. 

When my husband shared the idea of this plan, I was full of trepidation. Fearful of all the what-ifs. He wanted to dream together. To discuss and analyze the pros and cons. I just wanted to hide under a blanket and wait until he moved on to something else. The following day, he told me to forget it and just keep things as they are. I told him I just needed more time to truly think about what it could mean, the positives and negatives. 

I spent some sleepless nights and days where my body felt like it was a live wire. I wasn’t ready to completely throw out the idea. I just needed time to work my brain around what it could mean and what it would look like for me. I needed to work through my fears and figure out what is holding me back. I needed the reminders that it was he who presented this opportunity, and he is fully invested in helping me to thrive. I needed to give myself permission to put myself first again so I can be the best version of me.

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I was reminiscing about my childhood during this time of contemplation. In most areas of my life, I was shy and too nervous to try new things, worried about pleasing others, and letting people down. In forty-nine years, not much has changed. Inside, I’m still that little girl unless I’m in my comfort zone.

There was one place in life that I wasn’t that way…Lake Huron. It didn’t matter what turmoil my heart and brain may have been feeling; once we were on the water, it was washed away. 

I loved sitting in the back of the boat as we motored down the river, just taking it all in. I was always in awe of what God had created around me. Once we left the mouth of the river, we would be out of the no-wake zone. The engine would roar, and I would be in my own world. I’d stick my arm over the side of the boat to feel the icy water and the power of the waves lapping at my hand. I’d sing at the top of my lungs like no one could hear me over the roar of the engine.

Once we got to the beach and anchored, I would be the first to jump into the freezing waters of Lake Huron. All fear was gone! I would swim and paddle around until I was forced to get back on the boat, shivering, exhausted, and happy beyond reason. For in those moments, I could be whoever I wanted to be. I gave in to my fears and just lived. I lived in my own little world of make-believe, and it brought me so much joy.

As we have been working through the logistics and coming up with a plan to bring this new adventure to fruition, I have been reminding myself that if I push through the fear and jump in with both feet, I may actually be creating a life full of renewed joy and newness that will revitalize me for the future decades of my life.

Nothing has been solidified yet. But I’m choosing to believe that something wonderful is about to happen, and I’m jumping into the unknown with both feet. 

Adventure awaits, and I hope you’ll join me on this journey as I recommit to writing, posting, and living life to the fullest!